"IT’S WEIRD TO FEEL LIKE YOU MISS SOMEONE YOU’RE NOT EVEN SURE YOU KNOW."
- David Foster Wallace,
I can't really get into Sci-Fi films because it feels fake and I know I have to suspend my disbelief but I have zero problems standing in the freezing cold outside of a pub and telling someone we used to know each other in another life and that's the reason we always find each other like flicker flashlights in the dark of a city. And I have no problems telling you that you come to me in my dreams and may be important to the next stage of my life. I'll pull you close to me and whisper how it's all about the things we know and the things we choose to pass out like candies. Like sweets. You look at me like I'm crazy but you know I'm not.
She's talking again.
She's turning on lights.
She's walking towards me.
Why can't she just be still?
Because some people were born to illuminate you.
forget about everything you thought you knew about what happens when there is a tiny crack in your heart everyone knows the light gets in and stirs up all the dust and you can see things you never saw and wonder falls from your mouth and you can walk through walls and you head down the avenue with the secret codes all in your brain and everyone you meet is like a mystery that you understand and you raise your hand like you may be in church but it's just the sidewalk and you don't care because you can hear the hymn of the beat of the city and can't you for a moment let that sit with you like book like a soft small dream
I have so much sugar for you that your teeth will rot if you're not careful.
you look like a dangerous idea
so of course I walk right up to you
and this is how we learn
we don't know shit over and over again
all the way down
I'm shedding my skin.
You better turn away because it's not always pretty.
But I think it's time.
I left you a poem.
You haven't found it yet.
Someday you will and you'll slide down the wall into a puddle on the floor.
Or you'll just laugh and all of your teeth will show and I'll just be there for a moment.
Like a flash.
The corner of your eye.
A slice of sun.
all of your thoughts falling right out and pooling at your feet everyone around you picks them up and tries them on and you just about die when that girl sees inside your head all the way to the middle where you get pushed up against the wall hard and your arms dangle to your side because they don't work when he stares at you and the man over there he tries to pick them all up off the wet sidewalk and hand them to you like kittens but you just make faces and turn your lips to the sad rain and there is something about the word yes that sounds like wind
For each person there is a sentence—a series of words—which has the power to destroy them.
Philip K. Dick
I used to dream about Virginia Woolf but now it's always Sylvia.
She's a tricky bitch.
She encourages me to dance and she leaves the dream window open on purpose.
Sometimes you climb over the sash and I stop everything I'm doing
and have to use my mouth to say things.
This is just a dream.
This is everything but a dream.
The real world does not have hours this strange and sweet.
"I’m just dying to say, ‘Hey, do you ever feel like jumping off a bridge?’ or ‘Do you feel an emptiness inside your chest at night that is going to swallow you?’ But you can’t say that at a cocktail party."
— Paul Gilmartin, The Mental Illness Happy Hour
My heart is a thousand years old. I am not like other people.
It's like how tear and tear are both spelled the same way and how you only know the difference in the tiniest of details. Other words. Rivers of wet. The sound of ripping.
Did you know my heart was loud?
Sometimes I write all the way across myself
past the fields and trees
over my hot skin
inside the corner of my mouth
just to find a few words
that you could hold
in the palm of your hand
if you needed them
you could hold them
they are fragile
what chances will you take with your heart
will you stretch it like taffy
put it in a box
cover it every time she walks by
trying to hide that light
she sees it
and it looks like
a town in the distance
all spread out
and just waiting for
someone to tear it up