we take in air and don’t even notice
we’re driving around or watching movies or sitting at little desks just breathing
we are on airplanes going back and forth to places we don’t even like
we are pushing grocery carts into the evening
maybe when we run we feel it
or when we do yoga because the teacher says to pay attention
or when we are heartbroken and our lungs are bricks that weigh us down
we can hardly climb stairs or laugh
we cannot yell
blood pumps fast through us all the time
we are hot on the inside
yeah sometimes we don’t realize that we are alive
we are so wild
little animals with terrible sadness
and our hearts beat 100,000 times a day
i think about food and sex and rock and roll
and the way you looked at me that one time when you told me the truth
i think about the how i want my heart to beat you a song
once i put my tongue on your neck and felt your heartbeat pound against me
i know you remember that too
it was weird
it lasted a long time
i would let you do anything to me
I am constantly trying to remember to be on purpose and matter of fact with my heart.
I make a fist and squeeze it.
I open my fist and wave to you across the room.
You are surrounded by light from a window.
There is a small spark.
I am aware of my air.
I pant for you.