actually there is something I want to tell you

when I'm talking to you
there is something
inside of my head
like a big band
a swell
of music so loud
that my ribs rattle
I'm certain my eyes change
from green to blue
and you can see my toes tap
I say all the wrong things
over and over like a prayer
an invocation 
for you to bless me
bless my
my beautiful
messed up