I studied German in college
just for the hot blonde boys
all lined up pretty in a row
philosophy majors
my biggest downfall
ever
I also had been to the the Hofbräuhaus House
that summer before college
drunk against Munich
I loved the harsh clip sound
tut throaty mouths
back of throat
firing long winding words my way
clinking glasses
saying the word trinkin
into the night
Ich bin mude
my hands held tightly
to the train seat
I sped through the German night
I mapped memories
I dreamed drunk cognates
but I never clicked it
the German
I went to class and loved Frau B
my teacher
she coddled me
but I never got it
like the others
I would stare out of the large clear windows of Ellis hall
and at some point in the following year
it was good enough to just get by
it was fine to have been dumped all over
by one of the blonde boys
nothing mattered
I had discovered the word
Schadenfreude
and I carved it into my wooden seat
and touched it every time he fumbled in class
I took my fingernail to the word wood groove
every time he sounded like a dick
it soothed me like a tic