tick tock

by Amy Turn Sharp


She was jealous because it was well known that she was a virgin and this would be the gateway sex to something far more scandalous and bad for me.

She marked her words as she applied the Bonne Belle root beer lipsmaker.

 

He’s just too old for you

You can’t have a future with him

 

Of course not.

I am just into this right now

 

Oh really

 

And we walked outside of the restroom and he was standing against the vintage pinball machine. The small game room filled with beeps and blinks and flashing lights from small video screens.  He looked like a real man like she had said and I memorized his face- the way his jaw line was strong and his skin tan and warm. I pulled the exact precise color of brown from his eyes and sucked it down my memory pipe and I memorized it all like a person about to go blind. I memorized the way I felt something with him in that moment because I knew it wasn’t my future. It wasn’t even my present as later I would find out that he was having real sex with other dumb girls.

It was just another thing I was doing to pass the time here.

 

The inside of my mind ticked a tock like granny’s egg timer.

It was the soundtrack to that moment that I knew I was not a good person anymore.

I did not care.

Tick Tock.

There is so much time in the world to waste.

 

I was on autopilot and we all stood under the KOA campground sign later up on that big hill on Rt. 334. The sign is so high that it can be seen from the main streets of my town. We stood under it and I flashed like a slutty beacon for all to see as my hands groped his tight pants and my fingers fled to the nape of his neck and pulled on his tight black curls.

I kissed him for her. I kissed him for all the girls who had no idea what the hell was about to happen.