My heart is a crowded house.

by Amy Turn Sharp


Zeus and Hera had a honeymoon that lasted three hundred years. They were pretty dysfunctional and all but it's a long time to love. I think about people who are not in love anymore sometimes. I think about the people that are no longer in love with me. Or the people who I just stopped loving.

I think about these things at night, after I have put away all of the small gadgets and nothing matters much and it's dark. In the murk of my near sleep I think about the matters of the hearts that beat like hips shake and trees scratch my roof. Right before and even during sleep there is such a football field of impossible thinking. I am free from any tethers. I am not wrong to wonder about you. Or you. Or you. Or mourn the past tense of that fragment.

I am just inside of my mind and it is a cathedral of time. It is the pony express of heartbeat memory. I am on a fast animal across a long pass. I shoot straight to the images I love. To the small couplets of sadness or delirium. To the places that pump blood like a demon.

We had these amazing friends once. They were lucky-like love gansters for a bit. They both found each other after they might not have found each other you know? They were so in love and it was kinda gorgeous to just watch. I always felt like I was involved in a secret or privy to the plans of some sort of intricate heist around them. It was nice to know that love like that was pumping all around, surely making the world a better place. And Joe and I would bask in the love we felt from each other and when we were around this couple it was all amplified and everyone always went home with grins.

And then they lost a child and the world was darker. There was a tiny hole and it just started getting bigger and when it was gaping and large it swallowed everyone up and then we didn't know what to say or what side be on and it all fell away slowly. Like the yellowing of wallpaper. So slowly. And I think about those people sometimes at night lately. I don't know why. I just think about the way life is certainly unfair. I don't understand why things that are terrible last and things that are spectacular fleet. I think about that little girl they never got to watch grow like a wild one. I fear lately that there may not be much more room for the all of the people that live inside of my heart. It's ever so crowded lately.