If you'll be my bodyguard I can be your long lost pal

by Amy Turn Sharp


People climb Mt. Everest.

This blows my head off as I can't even get my paper piles sorted neatly on my desk.

I can't climb ladders without tears.

I let myself down on a weekly basis with goal setting plans.

I am certain that it must involve some sort of awakening in the soul to make big life altering choices like flying around the world to climb the mountain that kills so many people. But people climb mountains and do so many great extraordinary things. People push fear down into their old toes every single day.

My life seems ordinary. 

My son and I are both obsessed with documentaries. We search netflix like miners for the next great documentary or nature program or historical exploration that will spin us around on our old red sofa. We look at each other with our identical mouths hanging open like ding dongs. I like that we share this habit. He asked me after watching a program on Mt. Everest, if I thought that it was amazing that people climbed mountains. I told him yes and that someday he could climb a mountain if he wanted. He told me that I could climb a mountain too. He told me that I was not too old to do hard things. He said there were lots of old men on the show, way older than me. I smiled and tousled his bright flash bomb blond hair and fell back into the blanket pile with him. 

Inside of his mind there is still a fire that burns brighter than all the moons of the whole universe. 

He is not yet afraid of this world.

Not so much. 

It's like how we don't really start to feel old until we have children- something to gauge life against.

It's wonderful that he does not fear the future. He is open to it and he desires it. 

I am in constant state of wondering at what precise moment I lost that feeling. 

 

I feel crazy, always telling the children to not be afraid.

Halloween is coming and I will have to tell them that it is all pretend. 

I will have to tell them to not be scared of the spooky sounds

and sights and that we all bob our heads in the apple bucket for fun.

Boo!

We all laugh. 

I feel crazy being this person who leads them through the fear.

through the world

through the fear

Because that is all I ever am.

Afraid.

 

The youngest climber of Mt. Everest was 13-year-old Jordan Romero

The oldest climber of Mt. Everest was 76-year-old Min Bahadur Sherchan.

 

I encourage myself to weave a new suit of invincible skin from the above facts.

I encourage all of us to put away just a thimble full of fear today.

I know that I am not the only one.

I know you live out there too.

What is your mountain?

 

 

photo source