Be my little baby

by Amy Turn Sharp


I am totally stalked by Eddie Money.
It started like two years ago when I told my neighbor (the very famous Parker Paul) that I kinda liked the song "Walk on Water" by Eddie Money. I was very drunk but it was true. It holds great musical ties to Route 328 in Hocking County. There is this really long road that connects the cow town metropolis of Logan, Ohio to the country backwoods I am from. We refer to it as the straitstretch. I know. I just shake my head at shit too.
Anyhoo. I must have been just driving and that song was on the radio and it just stuck.
I don't care. I like it.
Well soon after that I started hearing Eddie Money every damn place.
Shopping malls. Elevator Musak. Pubs. Grocery Stores. I mean all the time.
I swear one time Eddie Money came out of Pandora from nowhere.
It was so inside of my head that I made an art piece for the babies room that year with the lyrics of "I Wanna Go Back" and it is all groovy and still hanging and people come round and always look at it and kinda move their heads in funny ways.
It was like a ridiculous thing this noticing Eddie Money.
And then it was gone.
Like a small tic.
Released.

And now it's back.
Like full on Tourette style.
I have heard Eddie Money six times this week.
Six.

And as I climbed the stairs to wake Blaise from his nap today I could hear the big Money on the radio. Blaise listens to local crap soft rock station every day from 1-3pm. I know I could raise him on Dylan like Finnian or some afternoon NPR- but it's what he likes!
He likes the Hall and Oates! He loves Genesis! He purrs to sleep to Heart!
I heard the music and I just opened the door wide to "Take Me Home Tonight" and Blaise was still kinda sleepy and all crazy eyed and I just stood there and let Eddie have me.

I totally used my best air guitar moves and
shook my hips like Blaise has never seen me do.
I held my hair back dramatically with one hand and sang
and he stood straight up in his crib and said:

YAY MAMA
MORE MAMA
MORE
And I kinda had one of those moments that really should have been slapped right on some film.

I am so fluctuating between being Eddie Money or Helena Bonham Carter for Halloween.